Training Little Minds to Listen: Helping Young Kids Follow Directions

So much of learning in young kids is gained through osmosis—the idea that knowledge and skills are absorbed through watching and listening. But a lot of kids need help with learning to listen so they can listen and learn.

Young kids benefit from specific, direct, instruction and space to practice listening skills like following directions, so they can learn and grow. If your child struggles to focus or cannot follow multiple step directions, your child will likely become easily frustrated with life, which requires a lot of listening and following directions.

The good news, following directions is a skill that develops over time, with intention, repeated practice, gentle support, and the help of a prepared language environment. Let’s take a closer look at what communication is and its part in following directions, age appropriate expectations for communication, and ways to practice following directions through play. 

Communication 

In order for your child to follow a direction (outside of an internal conflict of desire) they need to understand what you said, remember what said, and be able to ask clarifying questions if they don’t understand or remember. In other words, your child needs to be able to communicate.

Communication is a broad term which means expressing thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants through oral communication (speaking, tone) and physical communication (sign language, gestures, facial expression, body language, etc.).

Communication is broken into

• receptive language–to understand what others say or show and

• expressive language–to say or show your own thoughts, feelings, or information. 

Your child’s ability to communicate grows as they grow. A baby cries to communicate a need, desire, or feeling. A toddler can use a word or two to express their need, desire, or feeling. Preschool aged kids can use more complex language, speaking in sentences to communicate not only how they are feeling, what they may need but also why. Sometimes, they also communicate through crying or big behaviors (they’re still learning and communication is complex). As your child’s ability to communicate grows, so will their ability to follow directions.

Following Directions by Age

Pause and reflect: Is your child able to follow a direction that you give them that has two or three steps (i.e. put the toy in the basket and the basket on the shelf (2 steps), take off your jammie shirt, put it in the hamper, and pick out new clothes (3 steps))?

Generally, the older a child is, the more steps they are able to follow in a direction.

• 1-2 year old should be able to follow a simple, one-step direction like “come here” or “no.”

• 2-3  year old should be able to follow a two-step direction like “get your coat and put it on.”

• 3-4 year old should be able to follow two, unrelated directions like “Pick up the toy and put your shoes on.”

• 4-5 year old should be able to follow a three-step direction.

The level of independence in following these directions should increase over time. When you add steps in your directions or incorporate an unrelated direction, it will take time for your child to learn independence. Following directions is something your child needs to learn and practice. 

Ways to Practice Following Direction Skills

Read With Your Child Everyday.

Your child needs to understand what you are saying first. The easiest and most accountable way to build your child’s vocabulary is to read. Reading everyday can expose your child to rich language that can help in your everyday life. Experts also suggest talking with your kids throughout the day explaining what you are doing and what you will do next. LINK

Practice Following Directions in Games.

Games like Simon Says and Eye Spy are fun ways to practice active listening skills and following directions (i.e. Simon says walk and touch the fridge).

Check For Understanding.

After giving a direction, immediately check their understanding. Ask them what you said to do. Help them by giving them a verbal prompt or sentence starter like "“what did I tell you to do, I said put the ______” and wait for them to respond. The more you practice this, the more your child will be able to listen the first time and tell you what you said.

Use First / Then Language.

Simply adding first / then into your language can make a world of difference in your child following directions. “Put the block in the basket and put the basket on the shelf.” vs. “First, put the block in the basket, then, put the basket back on the shelf.” First / then language helps your child understand what is being asked or told by clearly breaking the tasks into parts and putting the tasks in order. This will also help your child remember what to do while they do it.

Following directions is a crucial skill, not just for writing but for life and the good of the family. Children need to be able to follow directions for growing independence, helping out around the house, getting out the door, and for learning pretty much anything. Following directions is more than just obedience–it’s building language, connection, and confidence. With patient presence, play, and time your child will learn to listen and respond more quickly and be prepared for more complex tasks down the road.